Monday, February 1, 2016

Texts

So a while ago, a couple friends made blogs sharing some of the best, strangest, or funniest texts that they have received while in Peace Corps. These are all texts I have received in Peace Corps, but sadly there were many, MANY were that I had to uh, remove from this list to keep it PG-ish. Here we go:

-Yeah it’s a great movie. But if you want I can dismantle it for you to show the horrible message that it sends.
-I have an irrevocable lifetime membership to the kargi bitchi club
-Well just cover her in honey and run. My counterpart actually told me “we don’t go in the mountains, its hot and there are animals”
-Im still very pro water buffalo.
-He claims to be 5’11’’. That can’t be right.
-New word for you: muxtapuri means when you go around and eat for free (supra hop?)
-I love that bowl is the unit of measurement for wine here.
-I mean I have my beard I don’t think they got a good look at me.
-So f*ing good and so f*ing sad and such a f*ing chick flick but boy do I f*ing love it
-I had to play that game but on and off through the entire ride because of the various odors that perfumed the marshutka
-My grandma just walked in on me peeing and we made serious eye contact. Wish I knew Georgian for awkward.
-I really don’t understand how you’re not obese.
-Im already breaking my 1 oreo per day rule.
-God wont b there. Just russman.
-There was just an American on Georgia’s Got Talent whose “talent” was having giant boobs and breaking/holding things with them. The hosts and judges verified they were real by fondling them on national TV. Oh, she also hit the hosts in the face with them.
-Youz a city boy don’t pretend like you know that soflis cxovreba.
-Whoa dude that’s heavy. Yeah if you wanna talk in a few ill be free. Just on the pot right now.
-Yes my daddy is a chicken farmer.
-Marika asked how youre doing and if youre getting fat.
-We are apparently going somewhere and you guys have to come, they called you “angels”
-At my host bros 17th bday. Just me and his buddies. Its like a chuckie cheese supra.
-Favorite part of leadership trainings. When you ask who is a leader. The first response is Stalin. 
-Good lord. Someone mentioned Hitler. One kid then yelled out magari kacia
-Have you ever played clue and though you were about to win only to figure out you're totally wrong about one of the categories? That’s how I feel about his comfort with public undergarments.
-It’s gonna turn you into one of them while you sleep dude.
-INFO: travel to Tbilisi still restricted due to the unaccounted tiger and hyena in the city
-You sure this isn’t an acid flashback?
-Just had a no squat ghost poop. Pretty sweet.
-Or maybe Thompson has one of those nights where he does some meth a half hour before tip off and scores 40 in the third quarter.
-There are two children at the front of this marsh saying “swear to god if you wave this pretzel in my face!” and they’re also parentless… Im freaked out.
-Its terrible weather here… I guess that means youll be back soon then
-Today is Button Up and/or Tie/Blazer Day. Don’t be a **** ***** *** *** ** ***** **** ** ***** and not do it. Mommas proud of you.
-good old Site Rat disease is settling in
-10:30 am Marika gives me coffee and chacha. Happy Saturday cluster mates :)
-The universe has heard my bulking prayers…. funeral supra in Oz
--Yeah man, plus malnourishment and deathly cold gyms don’t help.
-Cow….. Better than brains though. Had that during Pst and I haven’t been the same since.
-Another anti drinking tool discovered – just successfully used some internalized karate kid “wax on/wax off” moves in conjunction with some “Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon moves to evade the multiple grasping attempts of a group of insistent alcohol ‘pushers’. No one was injured or hurt – BUT it was a thing of seemingly choreographed beauty (flowing hands, arms & side stepping feet). Smooth yet effective. Too bad it wasn’t filmed.

-TROOOOPS! WE HAVE BUT THREE SHORT WEEKS BEFORE OUR LABOR FINDS ITS REST WITHIN THE CREVACES OF WINTER. BUT THREE SHORT WEEKS BEFORE WE PROPEL OURSELVES INTO THE NEW YEAR; THE YEAR OF OUR TRIUMPH. THE YEAR WE CLAIM VICTORY. THE YEAR WE SHED OUR TIRED SKIN AND EVOVLE INTO SOMETHING NEW. STEEL YOURSELVES COMRADES! THE DAY IS NEIGH! THE SUN BEGINS TO RISE! AND WHEN IT DOES, BASK WITHIN THE GLORY OF ITS LIGHT. BE THE EDGE OF A BLADE AND RAISE YOUR SHIELDS. NO LONGER SHALL WE MERELY ENDURE! FROM NOW ON, WE FIGHT!

1 comment:

  1. I had a lot of fun trying to figure out who sent which text. For sure I know the last one! But, I wanted to tell you, I encountered that "how was it/did you like it" question hundreds of times when I came back to the U.S. after Micronesia. I learned that one really good way to handle it was to smile, shrug, and say something like, "you know, it's like anywhere else. There are good people, and not so good people. There are happy days, and sad days. It was just ... life, but with a different flavor." Or words to that effect. It seemed to work really well.

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